I went back to Betty for a follow-up reading. I can’t believe I paid 50 bucks. Ugh. I was curious to hear what she had to say this time. The reading wasn’t as good as the first. I didn’t really want to hear about love. Truth be told, I was afraid she might say I wasn’t with the right guy.
I’ve been having mixed feelings about Chris. One minute I’m in love the next, I’m not sure. I suppose that’s normal. You’re probably wondering why I could be so quick to guess it may be over (a few posts ago) after I’ve declared my volcanic explosion love (a few more posts ago). The truth is, I’m scared to death of falling in love. I’m afraid of it being one sided. I can’t even count the number of times I thought, “this could be the guy.” I’ve foolishly told friends and family, only to feel embarrassed when it didn’t pan out.
I’ve forced myself to live in the present with Chris. It’s so much easier. I thought I was over the baby making part of life so; I stopped thinking about husbands and wondering whether or not I was going to be a mom. I hope that doesn’t sound lame. If it does then, I hope I’m not alone in thinking that way, at least…
I don’t mind being physically alone (other than missing sex). I have close friends and family. What I don’t like is not fitting in. I don’t like people asking me if I have children or if I’m married. It makes me feel like they assume there is something wrong with me. Through my 30s, every time I started dating someone new they would inevitably ask why I was still single and then ask if there was something wrong with me. Rude.
So, I don’t mind being alone (for the most part) but I do want to be with a partner. I want to be with someone whom I can understand and who gets me. I want someone who really likes being with me and feels happier when he’s with me. I want to feel the same way about him. It would be really nice to find someone who can appreciate all my quirkiness and I appreciate his peccadilloes. I want to share my life with someone I love. I want to share his experiences, too.
When I was traveling alone through Ireland a few years ago. I saw some of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring sites. Alone. Every time I turned a corner and saw something more beautiful than the last something, I always turned to my empty passenger seat to exclaim, “Wow! I love Ireland! So pretty.” Unfortunately, my giddiness was silenced pretty quickly as my non-passenger stared back at me blankly. I am very grateful for all the blessings in my life, I want someone with whom to share them.
I need the physical piece, too. Heck, I have plenty of friends that accept my slice of crazy and I love theirs. I’m not looking for another best friend. I’m looking for a full-time partner and lover. Chris fits the bill on all counts. (I just hope he feels the same!)
Anyway, she said everything was good in my relationship world. She told me upfront I was with “the guy.” In fact, she said the cards promised I’d have a healthy baby, too. First, she said a little girl. As we pulled more cards, she said boy. Then, she asked if twins run in my family. They don’t. She also told me that I might need to take time off from work near the end of the pregnancy because I’d be huge. That’s not going to happen. Unless I have a whole basketball team in there, I am only gaining baby weight. (I’m down 4lbs, only 6 more to go!)
So, my personal life, according to Betty, is going to be fantastic. Phew. No more empty passenger seats.
The real reason I wanted to see her was about another subject entirely and if figures, we didn’t address it until my last 5 minutes. Now, that I’ve made my 300 words commitment, I wanted to know if there were published books in my future. She said, “Yes. At least, three.”
Can I just tell you? I nearly jumped up and gave her a high five. That’s what I wanted to hear!